Kickass gun solution to coronavirus
Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper is putting the finishing touches on his plan to use guns to help solve the coronavirus problem. The solution seemed so obvious, the keeper says,…
Kickass and Phyllis winner
Kickass, the doorstop dog, says the keeper and his ilk, swimming the treacherous waters of old age, need to be tossed an occasional life-preserver to get their minds off the uncertainty and inevitability…
Kickass and Stokes Trumps
Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper is thinking of changing his “Stokes” surname to avoid appearing in such common news headlines as “Trump Stokes Racial Division.” Stokes is a fine name,…
Kickass and the NFL in Washington
Kickass, the doorstop dog, says the keeper has it on good authority—spokespeople who identify as leakers of news that may or may not be “fake,” that the Washington professional football team’s name will…
Kickass and Mt. RushmoreKickass, the doorstop dog, admits that it was inevitable that he would use his unique powers of communication to overhear a conversation between the four presidential images on Mt. Rushmore: Washington: “Who the hell is that guy with the funny hair?” Lincoln: “As the one who started the country, George, you should know that he is the one who may end it.” Jefferson: “He says he is great and he wants to be up here with us.” Roosevelt: “If he gets up here, I’m leaving. I hear he wants to sell Yellowstone.” Washington: “When you’ve been stoned as long as we have you hear and see strange things, but why aren’t those people with the orange-haired one wearing coronavirus masks?” Lincoln: “You know, George, that childhood, cherry-tree story about you not being able to tell a lie, well, the orange haired one cannot tell anything but lies, and he tells people it doesn’t matter if they get sick and die so long as they vote for him.” Jefferson: “I hear he grabs women indecently, ridicules the handicapped, makes racist remarks and believes money is god.” Roosevelt: “Well, nobody, including us four, is perfect: George has bird crap on his nose again, and there is also some on Teddy’s forehead and on Abe’s ear.” Washington: “The crows are the worst. Maybe if they put the orange-haired one up here they will target him.” Lincoln: “Not worth the risk. I’d rather be crapped on by eagles!”
Kickass, the doorstop dog, admits that it was inevitable that he would use his unique powers of communication to overhear a conversation between the four presidential images on Mt. Rushmore: Washington: “Who the…
Kickass and the mound builders
Kickass, the doorstop dog, considers the report from Phyllis and the keeper on their recent visit to effigy mounds at Wyalusing and Pikes Peak as spiritually dichotomous—both uplifting and sobering. In the still,…
Kickass and the Lone Ranger
Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports the keeper has gone off the deep end over the POTUS calling himself a “Lone Warrior,” which translates in his—the keeper’s mind, to “Lone Ranger,” an area where…
Kickass and distance evolution
Kickass, the doorstop dog, is trying to be helpful as the keeper fine tunes his theory that the current social distancing of six feet or more will have a negative evolutionary impact. Already,…
Kickass and potato salad
Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that at a recent very pleasant reunion of Phyllis’s family on the Village Green in Middleton, the keeper came away thinking about potato salad, in part because Phyllis’s…
Kickass and old boy toys
Kickass, the doorstop dog, listens to the whining of the keeper as he—the keeper, goes through the painful process of divesting himself of some of the “old” boy toys that he has been…
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