Kickass and a lump of coal

Kickass, the doorstop dog, is assisting the keeper in his special project to counsel those who found a lump of coal in their Christmas stocking this morning.  You know who you are, the keeper tells all coal recipients, and if you don’t know why you received a lump of coal instead of goodies and gifts, you are probably not the deep thinker that you think you are.  That is certainly the case with the keeper who was at first distressed to find a lump of coal in his stocking, but recovered when he remembered that Superman can turn coal into diamonds simply by squeezing the coal in his hands.  So he—the keeper will just wait around until Superman turns his lump of coal turns into a diamond, which he will give to Phyllis, along with a promise to shape up his slovenly ways.  The keeper, Phyllis and Kickass suggest all other coal recipients do something similar, and they wish everyone a very MERRY CHRISTMAS.