Kickass and believing in Santa

Kickass, the doorstop dog, joins the keeper in responding to a mysterious letter from someone named Virginia that was apparently misdirected by the USPS due to the keeper’s column-writing notoriety.

         “Dear Editors:

         “If I were still alive I would be 133 years old, and I would still be wondering if there is a Santa Claus. Never mind where I am writing this letter from. Suffice to say that after The Sun’s Francis Church wrote that editorial telling me there was indeed a Santa Claus, despite the word from “my little friends,” I came to believe other outrageous things that men wrote and many things that they told me personally.

         “As a result, my life was pretty much a chaotic mess–Interesting and fun at times, but in the end, a male-dominated mess.

         “I am writing from a very warm place, which is full of others who believed in the male-defined Santa Claus, and I am asking you to tell me once and for all if I should believe anything written or spoken by a man?

         “I am told that if I read it in your column it is true.

         “Thank you.


         Dear Virginia:

         The short answer is NO, believe nothing written or spoken by men, particularly now in this age of the “Big Lie.”

         Santa, incidentally, signed on with Amazon, and does indeed exist, Virginia, but only in the hearts of out-of-control Christmas shoppers.

         Merry Christmas and save me a place by the fire.

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