Kickass and chicken less chicken

Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper, ever anxious to contribute to the advance of the species, accepts news of lab-made chicken now on the market–expensive and “tastes like chicken”–by joining the chickens in celebrating the fact that they–the chickens, can not only now survive Sunday chicken dinners, but be around to share in desert, maybe artificial apple pie.

By eliminating the need for them to die in order to be the entre’ at a chicken dinner, science has given chickens a new lease on lives that had deteriorated to the point of being unbearable.

This is obviously a reason for chickens to celebrate and join the bovine crowd as it rejoices over recently introduced beefless hamburgers.

But, as usual, there are residual details ignored by the scientists as they rush to set what they claim will be a less environmentally damaging table: what happens, for example, to the old riddles about chickens crossing the road or their appearance before or after the egg?

And what of the “Chicken Little” story? It will need to be rewritten. Here’s a start: “Henny Penny, aka “Chicken Little” mistook a falling acorn for a piece of the sky and started a panic by shouting that the entire sky was falling, which was taken up as a political chant by Humpty Dumpty who had just fallen off a Florida wall and could not be put together again by all the GOP king’s horses and all the king’s men……..”

Domestic chicken latin name: Gallus domesticus.

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