Kickass and distance evolution

Kickass, the doorstop dog, is trying to be helpful as the keeper fine tunes his theory that the current social distancing of six feet or more will have a negative evolutionary impact.  Already, the keeper points out, staying six feet apart has eliminated the hand shake as a gesture of friendship, and obviously kissing and caressing are impossible.  Down the natural selection line, this will result in the development of very long arms, proboscis-like lips, and sex organs similar to those of the sperm whale.

With this in mind, it is small wonder that even in the face of getting sick themselves and bringing a deadly virus home to grandma, young people are gathering in night clubs and writhing around on the beaches in preliminary mating rituals while considering the six-foot separation requirement as inconsequential as parental and governmental advice.

In the political arena, where precautionary measures are more shunned by the conservatives, the social distancing will obviously result in the evolution of long-armed liberals who will be able to reach into the pockets of the controlling narcissistic rich, which the keeper sees as a positive evolutionary development.

So the present world condition is not all bad.  But most of it is, and the keeper says it is well to keep in mind that all life on earth descended from a common ancestor starting back about 3.5 billion years ago, which moves Kickass to wonder why dogs have tails and the keeper and his ilk do not?  And if they did have tails, would  the keeper’s crowd wag them or let them hang down in despair?.

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