Kickass, the doorstop dog, does not often exercise his unique powers of existing in the future, but it happened recently and he brought back a time warp news dispatch from outer space that went as follows:
”CAUSE OF PLANET EARTH DESTRUCTION NOW CONFIRMED
“Planet Earth, which disappeared from the galaxy in mysterious fashion centuries ago, actually was wiped out by unstable humans who became toilet-paper crazed.
”For reasons outer space scientists have not yet figured out, a flu-like virus on Earth brought on an inexplicable and intense desire to possess toilet paper at the same time that the sale of guns went through the roof in one of the less civilized Earth countries.
“The absurdity of Earthlings hiding behind stacks of hoarded toilet paper and killing each other with guns at the rate of about one hundred per day was too much for Extra Galactic Government officials and they directed a huge asteroid to crash into Earth, thus smashing it like a dropped egg and removing it as a undesirable example for other developing planets.”
(This intergalactic imaginary travel takes a lot out of Kickass and he will be spending the rest of the day napping and staring out the window at a world that apparently no longer has a human population.)