Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper’s tech world has gone completely wacko and he is receiving messages from a medium that communicates with the departed, specifically the keeper’s old Black friend Bob Shepard who checked out with a bad heart many years ago.
“Stokes, remember when your Frye boots were stolen out of your car trunk while we ate at that Chicago soul-food restaurant. Well, I just met the guy who stole those boots. He says to thank you, and tell you there is no need for boots where we are, so they were given to St. Vinnys. You might want to go pick them up.
“The place I am communicating from is called ‘The Hereafter Spa and Rehab Center,’ (HSRC) and my current assignment is to rearrange those who arrive with their heads inserted into a major body orifice due to historical racial contortions. You may know the condition as the fear of truth in teaching, or by some other label indicating pandemic stupidity.
“We call it ‘Scarecrow syndrome’ and treat it by inserting brains into otherwise empty skulls.
Should you ever be fortunate enough to join us here at HSRC you will find that there is no such thing as skin color, and females generally run the show as they are found to be much more sensible and efficient in all matters, with the possible exception being grilling hamburgers in the backyard.
“There is obviously no big hurry in your getting here: we’re here and we’ll be here, so take your time. If you think about it when you do make the trip, you might bring along a six-pack of Spotted Cow, which, as you know is marketed only in Wisconsin, and this place is definitely not Wisconsin.
“Until we meet again, regards from your old friend Bob.”