Kickass

Kickass and old men with phones

Kickass, the doorstop dog, is supporting the keeper in his move to make it illegal for old men—and maybe some elderly women, to possess I phones, after overwhelming anecdotal evidence shows that the phones do more harm than good in the shaky hands of those old enough to remember Pearl Harbor.

At that stage in life where senior status includes a self-image of accomplishment and wellbeing, supported by a history of having mastered such innovations as electric can openers and self-closing tailgates, along comes the “smart” phone to make an old man feel dumber than a rock.

Were it not for Phyllis’s facility with I phones, the keeper would screw up a text message from God himself, not that He often calls.

Recently waiting in a row of old men at the VA eye clinic, the keeper noted many of them fumbling to use their I phones, except for the guy next to the keeper, who dozed peacefully after telling the keeper he did not have “one of those GD phone gadgets” and he wasn’t ever going to get one.

Vet heroes are still being made, but the keeper, not having hero potential, is not backing off from his proposed law that would forever take his eye phone away from him– and then perhaps run over it with one of the Army’s biggest tanks.

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