Kickass and outdoor winter dining

Kickass, the doorstop dog, is working with the keeper to make outdoor “dining out” more acceptable as the Wisconsin winter looms and the coronavirus surges.

Some eating establishments are already installing plastic “igloos” to shelter outside customers, and the keeper is suggesting that the igloo tables be set with heated salad forks, insulated soup bowls and electric hot plates.

Referring to his long ago ice fishing experience, when, on one occasion, the keeper’s down-filled vest caught fire as he stood too close to the camp stove where hamburgers were frying, the suggestion is made for outdoor diners to wear snowmobile suits that have been fire-proofed by repeated exposure to spilled beer.

The keeper is recommending that Coronavirus-prevention masks be equipped with ear muffs, and short lengths of siphon hose so masks will not have to be removed when outdoor diners enjoy a cocktail.

In that regard, the keeper urges Wisconsin citizens to petition Gov Evers for a mandate requiring that all drinks served to outdoor winter diners be doubles, “straight up” and never “on the rocks.”

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