Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper has been missing the last couple of days, but was finally located hiding in closet with a notebook and a pencil, tools of the journalism trade he once practiced. By way of pathetic explanation, the keeper said he had secluded himself so he could concentrate on formatting New Year’s resolutions, not for himself but for others, his thinking being that there was no hope nor need for improving his character or behavior, but everyone else obviously needs to do a lot of New Year’s resolving or the planet is going down the toilet with the next flush. (Toilet metaphor is courtesy of the POTUS who recently spoke extensively about toilet flushing at a recent rally of the gang that couldn’t think straight.) In formatting New Year’s resolutions for others, the keeper suggests the narcissistic POTUS resolve to find Judy and head down the Yellow Brick Road in search of a brain, a heart, basic decency and a new comb-over style to make him look less like a used mop and more like the Monarch he aspires to be. Kickass says HAPPY NEW YEAR!