Kickass and snowstorm tips

Kickass, the doorstop dog, noting with the keeper that the Madison area is apparently on a weather schedule that calls for frequent significant snowfalls, has formulated a few guidelines for those in his advanced age group on how to not only survive but actually enjoy the snow accumulations.

         One: Do not attempt snow angels. Getting up from being on your hands and knees in the snow is tough enough, from being flat on your back it is impossible.

         Two. Resist the temptation to give the finger–through the window, to those who must be out in the cold wrestling with snow-blowers, shovels and plows.

         Three. Attempting to throw a snowball risks rotator cuff injury so if a snowball fight breaks out, go back inside and eat a bowl of hot soup.

         Four. Make a snowwoman instead of a snowman and use a radish instead of a carrot for her nose.

         Five. (Men only) Avoid boyhood memories of writing your initials in the snow with pee. It will just make you feel bad.

         Six. Find somebody to listen to your story of 20-foot snow drifts on your walk to the country school where the 8th grade boys put rocks in their snowballs.

         Seven. Stay inside and medicate with Korbels.

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