Kickass and square dancing

Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper does not always relish his unadulterated talent for figuring things out for everyone else—it can be misunderstood; but in the case of the Iowa caucuses he is happy to point out that what everyone thought were caucuses was actually a statewide square dance contest requiring that all participants be stoned to the point of shuffling immobility.

The spectacle of a a sophisticated national media gathered like a murder of crows and seriously caw-menting on Iowans moving zombie-like from one gym floor location to another as one of the initial steps in selecting a national candidate for world leadership is, well, it is in a class with the old cliché, “Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, did you enjoy the play?”

The caucuses make about as much sense as visiting 1,600 Iowa pig farms and diagramming the routes that pigs take to get to the slop buckets and then using the diagrams to redesign the interstate highway system.

Iowa needs to concentrate on producing pork-chops, not presidents, the keeper rants as he does a do-si-do with his skilled dance partner Phyllis.