Kickass and squeaker of the house

Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports the following real-life drama:

SCENE: Front stoop of average home. Doorbell rings. Home-owner answers to find a mouse on the front step.

HOMEOWNER: “What can I do for you?”

MOUSE: “I hear you need a squeaker of the house.”

HOMEOWNER: “That would be ‘speaker’ not ‘squeaker,’ but let me hear your pitch.”

MOUSE: “As your squeaker of the house I could recruit all the mice in the neighborhood to help you deal with your insufferably arrogant cat.”

HOMEOWNER: How did you know about my cat?”

MOUSE: “The whole world knows about your cat: His name is Donald, he has the seriously annoying habit of throwing up hairballs and he has not been neutered.”

HOMEOWNER: “Yes, but we have a neutering appointment with the vet for next November, and I’m not sure we need a squeaker of the house between now and then.”

MOUSE: “As your squeaker of the house maybe I could help with Donald’s hairball regurgitation problem.”

HOMEOWNER: “Come on in!”

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