Kickass and staying warm

Kickass, the doorstop dog, in his endless quest to be a “good boy,” is helping the keeper compile a customized list of suggestions for staying warm during the current deep freeze.

1. For those working three minimum wage jobs just to feed the kids: It will give you a warm feeling to think of how great the stock market is doing.
2. For those million or so who are being denied food stamps: Think of your lack of food as a diet to reduce the amount of body mass exposed to the cold.
3. For those living in areas where bovine waste has poisoned their drinking water: Remember that, if it gets cold enough, even cow pee freezes and would cease running into your well, until it warms up, of course.
4. For those who cannot afford incredibly expensive, life sustaining medicine: Don’t be selfish, somebody has to be on the low end of mortality stats, and somebody has to pay for the Pharms TV ads and their inclination to sponsor drug abuse so the multi millionaire execs can vacation in warm places.