Kickass and the don’t care center
Kickass, the doorstop dog, makes an announcement that he and the keeper are starting a Day-Care Don’t Care Center (DCDCC) to help people deal with the excessive things they are expected to care about on a daily basis. There are simply too many serious issues for the average person to care about, the keeper says, and they therefore overload to the point that they are driven to strong drink or striking themselves repeatedly on the head with a ball-peen hammer. So, with the following fee schedule in place, the DCDCC will assume responsibility for caring about a specific issue for a 24-hour period, freeing up the average caring mind for concentration on more pleasant and important things, like how the Brewers can beat the Cubs or just what color the new royal baby is wearing today. 1. NRA money woes–$50. 2. Mitch McConnell–$74 plus tax. 3. Guns in schools–$99.50 including thoughts and prayers. 4. The Russians—14 rubles payable in US currency. 5. Trump’s loss of $10 billion and his failure to pay taxes for the past 30 years—$1,000, which is a DCDCC bargain given the unavoidable stench that accompanies caring for this issue. The DCDCC will accept checks, credit cards, garden produce and bit coin but not rubles.