Kickass and the keeper’s new car

Kickass, the doorstop dog, is witnessing one of the more pitiful exercises in futility as the keeper attempts to learn enough about his new—at least to him, vehicle to make a trip to the grocery store without locking himself in the back seat, draining the battery with some mysterious gadget being left on, or terrorizing the parking lot with an alarm he cannot turn off.  He spends hours poring over “owner’s manuals” thicker than the Mueller report, and if he learns three things he immediately forgets two of them.  Maybe genetics are contributing: Grandpa Stokes was a horse man who found it almost impossible to adjust to automobiles, particularly when it came to slowing down to go around corners.  Family lore has it that he skidded into the ditch countless times, tipped over several cars, and Grandma finally refused to ride with him.  The keeper’s new vehicle has features designed to help him stay on the road, in his lane and not too close to the vehicle ahead; and there is even a device to warn him that he might be getting sleepy.  It is all too much, and the keeper hears echoes of Grandpa shouting, “WHOA!  WHOA!”