Kickass, the doorstop dog, displayed unbelievable patience yesterday when the keeper more or less went off the deep end when he thought he had lost his smart phone. Finally, however, the positive aspects of being phoneless slowly became obvious to the keeper and he calmed down and actually began to look forward to a meaningful life without a device that dictated his very existence. The keeper’s relationship with his phone has been tenuous at best—his modus operandi being to hand the phone to Phyllis and ask her to please fix whatever the hell was going on. And with her patience and tech sophistication, Phyllis would do a little finger flick or two and the phone would fall in line like an obedient dog. This arrangement was as workable as anything ever gets in the keeper’s life. But then with his phone lost, the keeper felt a degree of freedom and well-being that seemed to grow by the minute. However, this state of approaching phoneless euphoria crashed and burned when the damn phone was located on the floor of the car just where the keeper had placed it. He was tempted to throw it over into the wooded hillside but he does not have that kind of guts.