Kickass, the doorstop dog, happened to be in Mosinee Wed. and while the “Fake News” reported that there was an actual appearance by the Great Orange Pumpkin (GOP) from Washington, what actually happened was that a gang of out-of-state bear hunters lost control of their hounds and they—the hounds treed what was at first thought to be the Rhinelander Hodag which was last seen back in the Paul Bunyan days. Noting that the Hodag appeared to be female—mammary glands and a skeptical air, the out-of-state bear hunters and their followers began chanting, “Lock her up! Lock her up,” until Gov. Walker showed up carrying his bear gun upside down and offering the bear hunters $2,500 for each of their hounds, providing they were killed by bears.
In the meantime, some idiot was mailing bombs to prominent Democrats all over the country, and a reassuring tweet from the GOP said this was the fault of the “Fake News” because it refuses to kiss the GOP’s lying ass and insists on telling the truth about his dismantling of decency.
Kickass will be resting now since he is tired from running all the way home from Mosinee to escape the rotten-egg stench that hangs over central Wisconsin as bad as it ever was back in the paper making days.