Kickass, the doorstop dog, says the keeper has it on good authority—spokespeople who identify as leakers of news that may or may not be “fake,” that the Washington professional football team’s name will be changed from “Redskins” to “Liars” to reflect the most common trait of many DC residents. Also, the team’s playing location, so lovingly called “FedExField,” will be appropriated through executive order to become the location of the National Garden of American Heroes, some of whom will be the White men who slaughtered Native Americans and enslaved African Americans, as well as Billy Graham and Ronnie Reagan, as named by the POTUS.
The keeper notes that the NFL, in its narcissistic and greedy manipulation of a fawning and sycophantic fan base, has been steadfast in demonstrating its high ideals and ability to think deep thoughts by clinging to an offensive team name long enough to piss off everyone except racist know-nothings.
The keeper is hoping to initiate a class action law suit against the NFL for the incredible amount of time and energy that football fans have spent over the years watching football games when they could have been doing something productive, like playing “fetch” with the dog. The law suit will also seek damages for the way in which NFL-type football has saturated the culture to the point that 6th graders are suited up and encouraged to bang their little heads against each other.
Kickass wonders if an attorney will step up?