Kickass and the state of the union

Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper, always trying to be helpful, has drafted a State of the Union speech for consideration in lieu of what will be officially offered next Tuesday.

My fellow citizens, the state of the union is a shambles.  And the most recent Senate impeachment whitewash indicates that things will get worse.  The rich are getting richer, the polluters are having their way at poisoning the water, the parks and schools and prisons are deteriorating under privatization, everyone carries a loaded gun and an attitude, those who are sick and poor are urged to die as an act of patriotism, working at three minimum wage jobs will not pay for kids’ education, big pharma stockholders are jumping for joy while the sick cannot afford the medicines to keep them alive, the union’s global image is one of disdain and hostility, world migration resembles the lemmings leaping off the cliff, the next presidential election will be fine-tuned by remnants of the Third Reich in Russia, and 80 percent of the demoralized citizens can go to hell because I am the President and if you don’t get in line I may grab you by the Senate because you can do those kinds of things when you are a star.

Thank you, and god bless the United States of America.