Kickass, the doorstop dog, listens as the keeper picks up the story just after the Kansas tornado deposits Auntie Em’s house in the Land of Oz.
“And then they all found themselves on the Yellow Brick Road of Walter Reed in the Land of Oz; and Dorothy told the Don the POTUS Scarecrow to be patient, he would get a brain as soon as Mitch the Tin Man got a heart and Bill Barr, the cowardly lion, got some courage.
“Around a bend of the YBR, they suddenly came upon the Wizard who was hiding behind a complicated, flimsy contraption called Democracy. The contraption emitted strange noises and swayed back and forth on the verge of toppling over.
“Toto began to bark, Mitch the Tin Man developed serious rust, Barr the cowardly lion wet his pants; and Dorothy told the POTUS scarecrow that if he really wanted a brain he would first have to get a haircut, to which the POTUS scarecrow said he had gotten along so far without a brain and he was not about to change anything about his hair.
“So they all went skipping on down the YBR, as Democracy collapsed on the Wizard, rendering him as flat as a GOP pancake; and suddenly they were all back in Kansas as Dorothy sang “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” and Auntie Em waved a dishtowel from the porch and said it was Nov. 3 and everyone should come in for lunch.”