Kickass and Trumps Santa letter
Kickass, the doorstop dog, says if you think the six-page letter Trump wrote to Pelosi is weird, as many do, you should see the one he wrote to Santa, a copy of which Kickass has acquired through the freedom-of-total-BS act. It reads as follows:
“Dear Santa: I have been a really good boy this year. Actually I have been the best of all boys anywhere in the entire world. You can ask around Russia or check with Mitch. Do not talk to Adam Schiff.
“You will recognize, Santa, that if not for my favoring the rich over the poor, your elves would drive you into bankruptcy with their outrageous demands for adequate food and shelter, particularly those who have small children.
“For Christmas this year, I would like you to bring me a magic carpet so I can fly over the heads of state around the world and show them how great I am while denying the need to act globally or respectful. It would also be useful at the rallies.
“My stocking will be hanging around Rudy’s neck, and instead of a lump of coal, could you fill it with Stormy Daniels because Rudy really needs a friend and I can tell you Stormy can be a great friend.
“I will be leaving some treats out for you—bribes actually because, as you know, bribes work so well in getting things done.
“Finally, Santa, if you do not come through for me, I will be throwing you under the bus, or the sleigh or whatever it is that you travel in. You could end up in prison, or in a immigrant detention center, which is worse due to screaming kids.
“Last point: Bring me some golf balls because I seem to be short on balls.
“Love, Donny (Strike that ‘love.’ I love only myself, and cannot spare any for outsiders, even you.)”