Kickass and Tucker as dog

Kickass, the doorstop dog, passes along the keeper’ s observation that If Tucker Carlson were a dog and had been returned to the shelter for snarling and biting and barking at pizza deliverers, his adoption promo might include “Big, mean hound, trained to herd lies, good with sheep, loves to chase expensive cars and responds to ‘Good boy’ with excessive tail wagging.”

Shutting Tucker’s big, biased, racist, insulting mouth produces the kind of feel-good that comes from muting the commercials for bathroom tissue.

His nauseating voice will reappear, of course, because there is money to be made, proven by Foxy Murdock who just paid $578.5 million to stuff the likes of Tucker down the vulnerable throat of democracy.

The keeper will be napping now, maybe dreaming of adopting a dog to keep Kickass company.

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