Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper has received early information that a move is afoot to make Wisconsin the first state to be ousted from the United States of America. In an intercepted message from a secret, shallow-state organization made up of Mensa members and Harley riders, it is stated that while Wisconsin may not hold the record for doing dumb things, it is in first place among all states for not realizing its intelligence potential.
The message reads in part: “Since it became a state in 1848, Wisconsin has done many smart things, but it has demonstrated enough stupidity to qualify as the first state to be kicked out of the union in the interests of intellectual state culling.”
Specifically, the ouster message lists the following as examples of Wisconsin’s dumbness: the election of Joe McCarthy to the US Senate in 1947, the creation of five dog racing tracks in 1990, its key role in the 2016 presidential election, and the current status of having elected gerrymandered, narcissistic state legislators who favor infecting the citizenry with a deadly virus in order to keep the state taverns open. Alabama and Kentucky may be next for unstating, according to the keeper’s information.
He, the keeper, adds that the denial of statehood to Wisconsin is reversible depending on its efforts to stop contaminating its ground water with cow manure, and getting a handle on its beer consumption.