Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper, finding no restrictions against mixing fact and fiction, casts aside the journalistic demand for truth that prevailed during his long newspaper career, and offers the following Wisconsin news roundup:
*Fred Prehn, the most painful dentist in Wisconsin, has been treed near his Wausau office by bear hounds tormenting innocent bears that were baited in by out-of-state, fun-loving bear hunters.
*Having been free—even encouraged to run their hounds through the Wisconsin woods all summer to “train” them, bear hounders say they will allow Prehn to come down out of the tree if the state pays them $2,500 for each hound involved, which it will do if the hounds are killed by wolves protecting their pups, or are run over by ambulances rushing to the site of one of the 7,638 Wisconsin Covid deaths.
*A wolf named Robin Vos has been found in grandma’s Wisconsin political bed, showing his fangs and wearing grandma’s jerrymandered voter nightgown as he mutters, “The better to eat you, my dear.”
*BREAKING NEWS: Fred Prehn has suffered unusual injuries when he fell out of a tree and was set upon by Republican hounds trying to lick his face. Doctors are puzzled at the disappearance of Prehn’s head, and they hope to find it with further examination of his torso.
*Sen. Johnson has donated all of his millions to science, specifying the need for further study of the value of abject stupidity as it relates to political success.
*Wisconsin weather continues flawless and is expected to remain that way through the next six months.