Kickass do not pee on the tree

Kickass, the doorstop dog, would like to have a word with all the dogs about adjusting to what seems to be a seasonal opportunity to “mark territory” indoors, ala the cats’ litter box.  What you are witnessing is the appearance of the family Christmas tree, and it is not to be peed on under any circumstances no matter how strong your urge is to put your personal mark on everything within your field of vision, especially trees. There are accounts of dogs being banned from living-rooms all over the country simply for being caught while obeying a very natural biological function.  (The basement is not a pleasant place to spend the holidays.)

The Christmas tree—usually but not always a spruce or balsam cut down so long ago that it drops most of its needles prior to Dec. 25, is usually adorned with gaudy trinkets and colored lights so it resembles the crash scene of several Walmart shopping carts.  For some, the keeper being one, Christmas trees over the years have come to represent excesses and commercialization and other bah humbug things.  But as Scrooge-like as he might become, the Keeper has apparently never experienced an urge to pee on the tree, or at least has not acted on it anyway. But then he is not a dog, and so goes a much more convoluted route in marking territory during the holidays: it has to do with IOUs, promissory notes, mortgages, taxes and payment plans.

Dogs have it better as long as they remember that the Christmas tree is not like all other trees when it comes to making territorial claims. Do not pee on the tree!