Kickass dumb smart phone
Kickass, the doorstop dog, hearing that smart phones are having a negative effect on the lives of young people, says it is nothing to what it is doing to the older set, if the keeper is any kind of an example. He—the keeper, seems to be frequently on the verge of tears as he pokes and swipes frantically at his smart phone when it either does some strange thing on its own, or refuses to do what he wants it to do.
He looks as if he is trying to kill a fly with a steak knife, or fix a tire on a moving car. It is a pitiful thing to witness.
The Keeper comes from the old school of “fix” where the options include hitting a malfunctioning object with something hard, like a hammer, or kicking at it to at least get a smidgen of satisfaction. So far there has been only really hard pokes at the smart phone and swipes that would remove enamel, but this is not a stable situation and somebody should probably hide the hammer.