Kickass Eagle resigns turkeys take over

Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper almost fell off this morning’s  bicycle ride to nowhere when an eagle flew past the bedroom window.  The eagle, obviously returning from its venison breakfast from the dead deer down in the field, is, of course, among those Kickass has the ability to communicate with:

Kickass—“Where are you going?”

Eagle—“To Washington.  Gonna resign as National Bird.  We’re turning it over to the Turkeys.  They wanted it in the first place, but were considered to be too stupid and we got the job.”

Kickass—“So what changed?”

Eagle—“Guns, mostly.  Turkeys seem to love guns.  Thousands of them get shot every year and they seem to damn near enjoy it.  We eagles are against guns.  You shoot an eagle and you are in deep dodo.”

Kickass—“So what are you going to do without the National Bird job?”

Eagle—“Lobby.  We’re being paid big money by the NRA to roost on the Capital and soar over legislators when they come out to meet the press after school shootings to offer thoughts and prayers.  They see us as a symbol of dignity.”

Kickass—“You sold out!”

Eagle—“Yeah.  It’s the only way to survive in the current so-called Democracy.”