Kickass Ground Hog Valentine

Kickass, the doorstop dog, has inside info that the Orange Narcissist’s proposed budget combines Valentine’s Day with Ground Hog Day and specifies that if the White House heart comes out today and sees its shadow there will be six more months of abject insanity, and if it is cloudy and there is no shadow, a White House lawyer will buy a $130,000 heart-shaped box of chocolates for Melania.

There is also talk in the White House of including Mothers’ Day in one all-encompassing Day, with each mother receiving a box of canned popcorn in lieu of the healthy food she needs to survive.

Kickass will be following the keeper’s example and celebrating Feb. 14 by napping and resting his heart in the hope that it continues to beat until there is someone in the White House whose ego is not so threatened that he can have a “First” dog.