Kickass hangs up hammer

Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper is resigning his position as Mr. Fixit having been humbled by the seemingly simple task of installing drawer slides in the kitchen he shares with Phyllis.

The project that should have taken a few hours extended into days, and even weeks as directions in very small unreadable print assumed installation on new construction, which the keeper’s kitchen is not. Forced into innovation and experimenting, otherwise known as “cobbling,” the keeper first perfected the installation of slides that didn’t slide, and then that slid only if pulled on by at least two pullers, one of them being Phyllis, which the keeper found to be intolerably embarrassing.

Over the course of his long life, the keeper has built cabins and sheds and various pieces of furniture and even a house, but the drawer slide episode indicates it may be time for him to hang up his hammer, or maybe put it in a drawer that can’t be opened.

Life is just one damn adjustment after another, and the keeper is adjusting to his recliner at a rate that would be alarming except for Phyllis’s encouragement that he needs to relax, as she tugs at the kitchen drawers.

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