Kickass, the doorstop dog, has agreed to assist the keeper in organizing the Fall On Your Ass Society (FOYAS) a non-profit, self-helpless organization designed to get everyone through the sneaky season of slippery ice which, in Wisconsin, can extend on into July. Membership in the FOYAS is automatic for those who have already taken an ice-induced tumble, and if a broken bone was involved they will be excused from paying the nonexistent FOYAS dues. Among the FOYAS membership benefits is a list of utterances to use while a fall on the ice is actually in progress. Also, the following is a pattern for a printable FOYAS identification card which can be used to get attention from emergency room orderlies or bartenders who sometimes resent being poked by a crutch.
This is official certification that
——————is a member of the
FALL ON YOUR ASS SOCIETY
With all rights and privileges