Kickass on ice
Kickass, the doorstop dog, says it is definitely not true that age and wisdom go hand in hand. If it were, the keeper would be saturated with wisdom, and he would not have done that utterly stupid thing on his long, winding, steeply-sloping, ice covered driveway yesterday, particularly with the new vehicle he thinks is so great. Those familiar with his driveway will understand how ice or snow turns it into an Olympic style bobsled run where even dogs fall on their asses. So against all common sense not to mention a complete dearth of wisdom, the keeper got into his new gas-guzzling SUV that is supposed to go anywhere on any surface, and he headed down the driveway to pick up the morning newspaper; and with no warning whatsoever was suddenly in an out-of-control skid that picked up speed at an alarming rate and dared him to even touch the brakes lest the situation deteriorate further. It was perhaps an occasion to pray, and the keeper used some of the same words that show up in prayer, but he was shouting them and he was not praying. Having negotiated the worst curve in a frenzy of steering and skidding, the vehicle then headed directly for the rock wall and seemed to pick up even more speed. The keeper went into a whimpering mode and more or less just hung on to the steering wheel as if it were a life preserver, which it could have been if there hadn’t been so much ice on the entire driveway surface. Through circumstances he will never understand, the hurtling vehicle missed the rock wall and skidded out onto the road where it came to a stop, and seemed to make a statement: “There, you dumb bastard, how did you like that!”
Once back in the house, I thought the keeper was going to crawl under the bed, but he realized that is one of my spots, so he collapsed into his chair and told me not to go outside. Jeez! How dumb does he think I am!