Kickass reasons for staying in Wisconsin

Kickass, the doorstop dog, has learned from the keeper that people are moving out of Wisconsin at a rate higher than that of most other states, and he—Kickass, has therefore volunteered to help compile a list of reasons for staying in Wisconsin, some from a dog’s point ot view such as there being a lot of trees and fire hydrants and cats to chase.  Reasons for humans to stay in Wisconsin is a bit more difficult, particularly in March.  Kickass suggests the following:

  1. Wisconsin is the only state where you can buy Spotted Cow beer.
  2. It costs money to move and most Wisconsinites are broke, or close to it.
  3. “Go Packers” is accepted as a meaningful cultural phrase that transcends social classes.
  4. Ice fishing is not considered a symptom of mental disease.
  5. A landscape covered with filthy melting snow and slush encourages wearing the kind of footgear compatible with parkas and cheese-head hats which makes Badgers the envy of citizens in surrounding states.
  6. Korbel brandy is readily available.
  7. Some drivers continue to stop politely at traffic round-abouts.
  8. Some counties still have drinking water uncontaminated by cow manure,
  9. GOP legislators show real backbone by refusing to kowtow to 80 percent of the citizenry in matters of environmental poisoning and gun safety.
  10. You can buy Spotted Cow beer.

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