Kickass resolves

Kickass, the doorstop dog, had a peek at a draft of the keeper’s New Year’s resolutions, and gives them his approval since they require nothing that a cast-iron dog could not accomplish.

Resolve to stay calm in the face of adversity, such as the outbreak of World War III after the narcissistic idiot in the White House invades Canada and gives Alaska back to Russia.

Resolve to not step out of the house if there is so much as one snowflake on the porch steps or the driveway.

Resolve to replace the phrases “I remember” and “Back in my day,” with “How interesting,” and “tell me more.”

Resolve to never pass up a chance to visit a bathroom, even if it is to simply read the sign that says, “Employees must wash……….”

Resolve to stop giving or taking advice and commenting on the advice given to others by others.

Resolve to think of medical personnel as mechanics who may be able to adjust your timing but can do nothing about the stupid things you do to jeopardize your own health.

Resolve to smile more, frown less, give more hugs and kisses and ignore even the slightest indication that your relevancy may have peaked and the care cowboys are saddling up.

Resolve to wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR!