Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper seems unable to move on with his life without acknowledging the role of Mr. Whipple–“Please don’t squeeze the Charmin!”—and its imagined impact on the current toilet paper crisis.
One reason, of course, is that the keeper once had breakfast with Mr. Whipple in Green Bay where he—Mr. Whipple—actor Dick Wilson—was making a guest appearance at a toilet paper factory. Never one to pass up an opportunity to drop a famous name, the keeper herein revisits his visit with Mr. Whipple, recalling it as a delightful day of watching Mr. Whipple charm the toilet paper factory work force. Wilson, who died in 2007 at 91, made more than 500 Charmin commercials, and a 1970s survey showed that Mr. Whipple was more recognizable than Pres. Carter, while another in 1978 named Mr. Whipple as the most recognizable person after Pres. Nixon and Billy Graham.
With these presidential associations having been made, the keeper notes that if Mr. Whipple were still around he would obviously be among those appearing at White House press briefings along with My-Pillow-Mike and other noteworthy scientific types.
Mr. Whipple’s line would, of course, be slightly altered: “Please don’t squeeze the Charlatan!”