Kickass, the doorstop dog, stands by today as the keeper formulates his plan for remaining friends with those who are now bailing on the miserable sunless, ice encrusted Wisconsin winter and heading for warm, sunny locales in Florida, Arizona and elsewhere.
Without fail, these friends will make sure you know where they are going and how long they will be there; and then when they get there they will immediately send back photos of themselves lying on a warm sandy beach or lolling beside a heated pool with a tall libation in hand.
So, the keeper says to create printed copies of these photos and make them into dart-board targets which you then place on a dart board and proceed to throw darts at them. This may take some of the tension out of living through the current spate of sunless Wisconsin days, and might preserve an otherwise doomed friendship.
It helps to use profanity and name calling while throwing the darts, the keeper says, but in extreme cases it may be necessary to mail the dart-punctured targets to those in the photos, refraining from comment that may violate PO blasphemy codes, if you can.