Kickass travel tips

Kickass. the doorstop dog, will be cooperating with the keeper to pass on a number of travel trips as a result of his—the keeper’s recent sojourn to rescue Queen Phyllis from the ravages of Arizona sunshine and warm weather and return her to the safety and icy comfort of a Wisconsin winter.

Tip No. 1. When running out of gas on the interstate (Nobody is ever this dumb!) due to ignoring strange beeps and dings from various on board electronic devices while driving an unfamiliar car and participating in an intense conversation, try to stay calm and remember that you were once smart enough to pass the US Army’s enlistment exam, albeit during a time of low standards and high manpower demands.

Tip No. 2.  Do not allow your frugal nature—otherwise called cheapness, to waste time seeking out quaint Mom and Pop motels along Highway 66 lest you finally have to demand your money back upon discovering there are no towels, no bottom bed sheet, clutter in the bathroom and there is a black and white cat making howling demands to be let into the room, for which you have been given the wrong key.

Tip No. 3.  No matter the circumstance, retain your ability to laugh because when elderly people cry they tend to attract unwanted attention, even from total strangers who want to help whether you want to be helped or not.  In the end, accept any and all help offered, especially directions to the nearest source of Interstate gasoline.