Kickass and closed gov

Kickass, the doorstop dog, as a service to his species, works with the keeper and Phyllis to provide specific tips for dogs in coping with the shutdown government.

1. Dog walkers will now be “dog runners” during the shutdown as they function in fear of being accosted by ICE agents. This obviously requires that you learn to do your business “on the fly.”
2. Do not bite an ICE agent as they are rabies carriers and taste like horse apples.
3. If your hobby is tormenting the mail carrier, you are still in business and should express appreciation to him or her.
4. Fat cats are not adversely effected by the shutdown and remain a target for vigorous but largely ineffective barking.
5. Fire hydrants as public property cannot be used as territorial markers during the shutdown and dogs are directed to the nearest tree, preferably one in a politician’s front yard.
6. Should you overhear the word “neuter,” even in casual conversation, run like hell since it likely means the dog-catching POTUS is in the area with a dull knife.
7. If the shutdown turns you into a “stray,” go with it and join the keeper and Phyllis and their many friends waiting it out under the bridge.